Voices 4 Animals

Friday Funnies: The Mule

2006-07-15T00:24:00.000+10:00

On Monday Fred, an old country farmer, bought a mule from Luke, another old farmer, for $100. Luke promised to deliver the mule the next day.

On Tuesday Luke drove up and said, "Sorry, Fred, but I have some bad news. The mule died."

Fred: Well, then, just give me my money back.

Luke: Can't do that. I went and spent it already.

Fred: Well, OK then. Just unload the mule.

Luke: What ya gonna do with a dead mule?

Fred: I'm going to raffle him off.

Luke: You can't raffle off a dead mule!

Fred: Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.

Several days later the two farmers meet up.

Luke: Whatever happened with that dead mule?

Fred: I raffled him off just like I said I would. Sold 500 tickets at $2 each!

Luke: Didn't anyone complain?

Fred: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.

Friday Funnies: Brain Transplant

2006-06-10T01:42:00.000+10:00

A young pet monkey had an accident and needed a brain transplant. The veterinarian told the monkey's human family, "Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves."

"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the family.

"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the vet.

All the men in the family nodded because they thought they understood. But the mother was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male and female brains?"

"Standard pricing practice," said the vet. "The female brains have to be marked down because they’ve actually been used!".

Old Wise Rooster

2006-05-25T00:25:00.000+10:00

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over."

The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by, one right behind the other. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM! -- he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Damn...third gay rooster I've bought this month."

Referenced from: http://www.funnyhub.com/jokes/pages/old-wise-rooster.html

Friday Funnies

2006-05-05T23:56:00.000+10:00

If you think your job sucks...

This might make you a little more grateful....

Cruel woman kills cat, puppy and rabbit

2006-04-11T01:00:00.000+10:00

Retrieved from:
http://www.asiafinest.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=67208&st=0"

Wanted to share with you, news of a woman from Hei Long Jiang, China, stepping on a kitten's head. Literally, blowing its brains out. And she is actually a nurse.

There are articles saying that two men who wanted to film clips of the maltreatment of animals, asked her to commit the act and that she was paid to do it. She was also asked to dress up for the filming.

Unfortunately, because of the lack of laws protecting animals in the country, nothing can be done to punish her and the two men. The woman and another man, believed to be the cameraman, are no where to be found. But, the online community who are fuming over the incident are refusing to give up and still trying to locate the duo.

She also killed a puppy and a rabbit in the same disgusting way. For all we know, she could have killed more.

Please brace yourselves for the pictures are horrible beyond definition.

Cat: http://chinese.cari.com.my/myforum/viewthread.php?tid=495237

Puppy and rabbit:
http://chinese.cari.com.my/myforum/viewthread.php?tid=495237###

No pictures attached here, too gruesome !! The first and only time I viewed it, and the imagery is still stuck in my head !

Countries like China, Malaysia and other Muslim countries still lack the appropriate laws for animal protection. With regard to this matter, I would like to appeal to Ryan and Katie, readers of this blog, passers-by, anybody, to sign a petition that would be handed over to the Prime Minister of Malaysia to ammend the laws, protecting
the animals in Malaysia.

Taken from SPCA Malaysia:

"Animal lovers all over Malaysia petition for a pro-active government stance on the prevention of cruelty to animals by passing effective and deterrant legislation:

1. Increasing the cruelty fine from RM200 (since 1953) significantly higher to around RM 10,000.00 and increase jail time.

2. A life time ban on animal ownership for those charged with cruelty to animals --- animals therefore cannot be returned to the owners.

3. To urge the public to be responsible pet owners - spay/neuter their pets, adequate food, space, exercise, love and medical attention and to be considerate neighbours."

Petition: http://www.catzmedia.com/spca/petitions/index.asp

Original contribution by cheahwey and edited by Ryan and Katie.

Another One Bites The Dust

2006-03-19T17:42:00.000+11:00

Let me just put this straight. I am utterly bewildered by the advancement in technology and how it revolutionized the way we streamline our businesses or changed our lives completely for that matter. Thanks to big guns like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and the likes, we now live in an era where every whiff of fantasy is turned into reality.

The society is getting smarter each day and there is this sudden change of social hierarchy that never existed during our great-grandmother's time. It's like half the population in the United States of America belong to the upper class. Hats off to them, that's all I can say.

Now, pardon my inquisitiveness. I have always been like this since the very first moment I stepped out of my mother's womb. Maybe someday, I'll be the next Nobel Prize winner! Anyway, all jokes aside, I have often wondered why each time I search on Google, the results are completely different from what I had thought about the society.

Search the word "Cat", and you will find a whole plethora of information teaching you how to skin a cat. Search the word "Monkey", and the results will tell you how to eat live monkey brains. I know if I keep searching, I'm bound to be surprised by the things people do. I call that pure stupidity.

Remember what I said about the society getting smarter and all? SO NOT TRUE. It's like we had progressed too fast from barbarism to civilization, that people are slowly shying away from it. Maybe we are afraid of transitions, afterall.

Anyway, this brings me back to the ethos when paleolithics were hunters, scavengers and food gatherers. There was no monetary trade or Paris Hilton. Men hunted for all kinds of animals with clubs, spears and harpoons. And I dont blame them since they were born of the stone age. But doesnt this sound eerily familiar? Sadly, this is the world we live in today.

Death to war and barbarism!

Friday Funnies

2006-03-11T00:36:00.000+11:00

China's exotic food industry has a new addition, a restaurant that specialises in animal extremities.

China's increased wealth has brought a growing demand for exotic delicacies. A new Beijing restaurant is serving up traditional hotpot with a difference. Customers can choose from more than 30 kinds of penis - including yak, donkey, dog, ox or even seal.

Although a meal can cost more than $500, the restaurant still boasts a loyal clientele. Eating penis is said to improve everything from male virility to skin tone.

The new delicacy joins old Chinese favourites such as frog, silkworm, scorpion, dog and snake.

My Childhood Fetish

2006-03-10T00:15:00.000+11:00

I believe we all used to have an immense liking for a particular thing when we were young and naive. So yes, I was hopelessly attracted to teddy bears and I'm not afraid to say it. Afterall, we had so much time on our hands and wouldn't it be such a waste to not spend it wisely with princess sparkle or little mermaid?

Anyway, I must have had like 30 teddy bears ranging from all colours and sizes. You name it, I've got it. It came as a surprise that I didn't start my own teddy bear shop. But these are for keepsake and definitely priceless for what it's worth. I know I still have them hidden somewhere in my closet. Guess I just have to start digging.

And what was it they all say about Rome? Surely it wouldn't take me a day to find all my bear-ry dear friends, but with some determination and sweat...no worries!

So after all has been said and done, I believe it is no coincidence that I am attracted to all kinds of bears. Sadly though, some bears do not get the TLC that they so deserve! I mean, what is wrong with all these people, treating bears like as if they are made of wood?

In India alone, many bear cubs are forced to dance as a form of entertainment to local and overseas tourists. Every one of them undergo the painful ordeal of having its sensitive muzzle pierced so that it can be controlled.

It is held down without anaesthetic while a crude iron needle is heated using a coal fire and afterwards plunged in to its muzzle. The squealing cub is held tight by a group of men, so it can barely move. The tug of this rope, along with an intense fear of the strike of a heavy stick, motivates the bear to lift its legs and 'dance'.

I know this barbaric act is indescribable beyond words but oh Lord, please have mercy on these bears and may you pour out your wrath on these men for they have rebelled against you.

I rest my case.

Friday Funnies

2006-03-04T00:29:00.000+11:00

A MAN caught "in flagrante delicto" with a goat has been forced to marry the animal.

According to the local newspaper, The Juba Post, the goat's owner, a Mr Alifi, caught his neighbour, Mr Tombe, assaulting his goat and reported the man to the local council of elders for adjudication.
"It was around midnight when Tombe came to do his nonsense on my goat, and I was already in bed inside my house," Mr Alifi said.

"Suddenly I heard the goat make a loud noise. Immediately I rushed outside to find Mr Tombe was naked and engaged in a relationship with my goat. " When I asked him what are you doing there, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up. They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife."

Mr Tombe agreed to pay a dowry of 150,000 Sudanese dinars ($125) for his new spouse.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi told the Post.

Identity of the victim cannot be revealed

Guilty As Charged

2006-02-27T01:01:00.000+11:00

Now, I believe most of you would agree that plastic bag recycling is no rocket science. All we need to do is collect them and put them nicely into a recycling bin. Oh, maybe that's why God gave us hands! But why is it that according to statistics, only 5% of the population are actually doing something about it?

Here's a little secret: Did you know that it can take between 15 to 1000 years for plastic bags to break down in the environment? In the marine environment, plastic bag litter is killing at least 100,000 birds, whales, seals and turtles every year. The body of a dead animal decomposes and the plastic is released back into the environment where it can kill again. On land, plastic bag litter can block drains and trap birds. They also kill livestock. One farmer carried out an autopsy on a dead calf and found 8 plastic bags in its stomach.

Alright, I think it's fair to say that we ought to make full use of the gorgeous recycling facilities available to us at major supermarkets. If you have no idea where the nearest recycling bin is, fret not. Because these days, we could pretty much have a plethora of information at our fingertips - thanks to Google.

Now, here's a little tip to all you shoppers: Reusable shopping bags is becoming a fad. They are comfortable to carry and hold 2 to 3 times more items than a plastic bag. The best part is, they are so practical and last for years. You could take them to a beach party or even to the gym.

And to be honest, I think they're wayyy hotter than bug-eye sunnies!

Dalmation Nuts

2006-02-19T17:37:00.000+11:00

I was having some groundnuts imported from overseas last evening, and what a strange new variety this is.

Supposedly a healthier organic version of the usual and it does look like a spotted dalmation.

And what was it they all say about pets having a close resemblance to their owners? I know this is kinda sidetrack, but I just have to say that Paris Hilton is a complete mirror image of her pet dog, chihuahua.

I have reported, now you be the judge.

Croc takes up residence in carport

2006-02-18T00:19:00.000+11:00

Kakadu National Park rangers say they had to remove a two-metre saltwater crocodile from a carport in the centre of Jabiru, east of Darwin, on the weekend.

Ian White, who works for the Northern Land Council in Jabiru, says he was sitting at his desk at home on Sunday afternoon when he saw something moving in the garden outside his window.

Mr White says he initially thought the croc was a goanna.

"Then the sun came out and it sort of sparkled on black and gold and I thought, far out, this is a bloody croc," he said.

Mr White says he does not want to see another crocodile in his garden in a hurry.

"You know I've been here 12 years and I've never seen a croc walking around the houses. I suddenly thought, oh I don't want to think this ... I don't want to have to be careful when I'm walking around at night," he said.

Rangers captured the crocodile and secured its jaws.

It spent the night in one of the ranger's bathtubs and was released at the South Alligator boat ramp on Monday morning.

Rangers say they will continue to survey the Jabiru Town Lake.

Friday Funnies

2006-02-17T00:28:00.000+11:00

AFTER decades of research, there seems no doubt that smoking cigarettes is bad for you.

But an Austrian dog owner says his dachshund has been flourishing on 10 a day. Wolfgang Treitler, from Graz, says his 22-year-old pooch, General Edi, has been eating 10 cigarettes a day since he was adopted.

"His old owner abandoned him so we took him in 17 years ago, and noticed straight away he was in the habit of eating cigarettes.
"He eats the tobacco and the paper, and then chews a while on the filter before spitting it out."

Harald Mayr, a local vet, said: "Nicotine normally leads to poisoning in dogs, but in this case the animal has obviously become addicted, which has increased its level of tolerance."

The Apple-s of My Eye

2006-02-16T01:37:00.000+11:00

According to Wikipedia, the Reptilia is a class of cold-blooded air-breathing vertebrates with completely ossified skeleton and a body usually covered with scales of horny plates.

Now, I am completely obfuscated by this definition mainly because science or biology for that matter, wasnt my strongest subject in school. But I like to be challenged by things that I mostly could not understand. Afterall, God has blessed me with a considerable amount of gray matter, so I might as well make full use of it.

I thank God for a good pair of eyes too. The world is such a beautiful place and I often wonder what I would do if I could not see! Mind you, I have not been to the seven wonders of the world. But for starters, I have had the opportunity to step foot onto quite a few magnificent animal sanctuaries.

So, I am a proud supporter of Jesus Christ and these...

And no... I dont own a pair of shoes or handbag made out of reptilian skins, thank you very much.

Cupid Has Struck Me in the Head

2006-02-14T23:08:00.000+11:00

Happy Valentines Day to God. Your love and faithfulness is beyond human comprehension.

Happy Valentines Day to all readers of our blog and loved ones. We thank you for your continuous support.

We would also like to extend our warmest thoughts to Fido, a crossbreed between an Alsation and Dobermann. We love you, gorgeous!

p/s: These are words from my heart, not my head.

Supermodel Search 2007 - Final 'Leg'

2006-02-11T16:51:00.000+11:00

We all know supermodels are tall and lanky, but I havent seen such beautiful legs in a million years. Here's a snapshot of the crowing glory...

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Friday Funnies

2006-02-11T02:57:00.000+11:00

A retired nurse saved her brother's chicken, Boo Boo, by administering mouth-to-beak resuscitation after the fowl was found floating face down in the family's pond. Marian Morris, of Arkadelphia, Arkansas, said she hadn't had any practice with CPR in years but she was interested to see if she "still had it".

"I breathed into its beak and its dadgum eyes popped open,"Morris said.

Dog-ology

2006-02-10T03:34:00.000+11:00

I believe many of you experience 4 seasons in a year. Although it's summer here, but boy, it sure does feel cold! The weather forecast for today reads 15 degrees. Is this winter or what? On a serious note, we did get a fair share of sweltering 45 degrees heat in the past month. Weather is a bitch, but good air conditioning and cheap thrills - what a perfect weather to be at the movies!

Anyway, I am feeling and thinking winter already. Surely it is also a busy time of the year for dog owners, trying to dress their dogs in cute little coats. These coats come in all sizes and colours! It does what it has to do on a cold winter day and night, much like when we wrap ourselves in 3 layers of clothes just to avoid getting chilled. I have to say whoever thought of this must be a member of MENSA, the high IQ society.

So one of my colleagues sent me this link in his state of nothingness and the content is downright cheesy. I wont cut and paste the link here, but surely I will put up some photos from that link as eye candy.

Pets in uniform, that's what it's all about. Just follow the prompts, that is step 1 and 2 and voila, a digital image of your pet in nasty uniforms. Pretty simple to execute, even if you happen to be an illiterate. The best part is, you can even print and frame it up in remembrance of your dog or cat looking absolutely ridiculous.

OK, so how bout a christmas tree trapped in full military regalia? I mean, what was he thinking! Welcome to the world of a nutter.

Too Cool

2006-02-09T03:39:00.000+11:00

Day in day out, I look around town and the hip neighbourhood I live in, there are just people from all walks of life. Some with leg tattoos and then some with overtly done nail art. Not that it bothers me.

Infact, I do find it cool. Yes, cool is the word to describe these people. Afterall, we live in a country where we are given freedom of speech. So I don't see a problem with having a freedom to express. We are all totally different individuals and if we all dress the same, talk the same and walk the same, wouldnt that only make one of us in this vast universe? How boring and totally uncool.

So the next time you see an awfully neglected animal by the roadside, dont hesitate to give them a pat or even take them home and feed them. Why? Because it would be totally uncool if you are just like the rest of them who walks away without even giving these homeless animals a second glance. Care for them like you mean it and you will soon discover a special bond, much the same as two neigbouring atoms in a molecule trying to hold itself in place (pardon my geek talk).

Oh, and if you have some spare change the next time you get your daily coffee fix, start collecting all the 10 or 20 cents coin in a gorgeous little penny bank. So at the end of the month, you can already donate a portion of it to WSPA. For your info, WSPA is a non-profit organisation. All proceed goes to helping animals only.

And for heaven's sake, the next time you see JLo in her big fur coat on the front cover of a trashy magazine, do not buy the magazine. Else, it would be totally uncool of you, buying it as if to say it is OK that it took 50 dead animal to stitch up the entire coat.

Anyway, I hope you get the big picture because it would be totally uncool of you if you dont. Thank you and Have a Nice Day.

The Ultimate Cravings

2006-02-08T02:50:00.000+11:00

We recently stumbled upon this site on the world wide web and found it utterly shocking. They sell animals not just as pets but for consumption too! You can find the most exotic animals here, ranging from komodo dragon to koala bear.

The site is set up pretty nicely too, so you can navigate between mammals, reptiles, birds and the likes.

Testimonies on the website are absolutely revolting. An example below is by someone who claims to be a 'pet lover' :

"You know, I really love animals, and the fastest way to my heart is through my stomach.

Your service has FILLED me with love. Keep up the great work guys."

Pet Lover
Little Rock, Arkansas

And apparently, someone was homesick and so they decided to cook up a storm :

"We recently had an exchange student staying with us. After a few weeks she got very homesick, so we decided to cheer her up with a favorite dish from her homeland, sweet and sour kitten. Thanks to your wonderful site Shao Lin feels right at home here in America!"

Beth Ann Smith
Madison, WI

I cannot imagine someone would eat a koala bear, let alone a kitten or chihuahua for that matter. And yet, the website is getting many hits from around the world. These hits alone generate sales and it is indeed very convenient for a minority of people to get hold of an animal that they had long been craving for! Mind you, I call them 'minority' because if you are normal, you would not eat or touch anything other than the usual stuff (e.g. chicken and fish).

So just by a click of the mouse, you get a spider monkey nicely packed and freshly delivered to your door step. Too easy, dont you think?

Well, maybe not when it comes to cooking the animal. And to our not-so-pleasant surprise, we found that this site offers an eclectic collection of recipes to boot! Here is one horrid example:

Dijon Rack of Doberman

Yield: 4 servings

2 racks of Doberman (approx. 1.5 LB ea)
salt and freshly ground black
pepper, to taste
3 TB Dijon-style mustard
1/2 c butter (1 stick)
2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
1 c plain bread crumbs
2 TB parsley, fresh and finely chopped

Season the racks of Doberman with salt and pepper. Heat a heavy frying pan and brown the fat on top of the Doberman over high heat. This will take 1 or 2 minutes and no oil is needed.

Remove the meat from the pan and allow to cool. Rub the meat (not the bones of the Doberman) of each rack with 1 1/2 tablespoons of the mustard. Set aside.

In another frying pan, heat the butter and in it sauté the garlic a few seconds. Remove from the heat and stir in the bread crumbs and parsley.

Coat the Doberman with the bread-crumb mixture by rolling the racks of Doberman directly in the frying pan of bread crumbs. There should be a coating of bread crumbs on the meat only, not on the bones. Place the racks on a rack in a shallow roasting pan. Roast in a preheated 450-degree oven for 15 minutes for rare. (Add 10 minutes if you like it medium, but be careful not to overcook.)

Remove the pan from the oven and allow the meat to stand in a warm place (but not on top of the stove) for 5 minutes. Slice into individual bone sections and serve at once.

For those of you who do not know what a doberman is, well, google it and the results should tell you it's a dog. Yes, my next door neighbour used to have a doberman as pet and his name was Max. But there was never a day gone by that I had thought Max was tasty... at least not in my right mind.

And you know, they all say crocodile tastes like chicken and I totally agree since that is by far the most exotic animal I've ever tasted all my life. But what does a hamster tastes like?

Year of the Dog

2006-02-05T22:54:00.000+11:00

So, according to the chinese calendar, this year is the year of the dog. Apparently, the chinese community in many parts of the world have decided to keep dogs as pets. It symbolizes good luck and prosperity. Although it is a good thing that dogs are now so highly sought after, we cant help but to think that they will be mistreated once the year is over and gone.

There are just so many cases of owners throwing their dogs away on the streets, which explains the increasing number of stray dogs year after year. It is sad to know that they are left abandoned on the streets. Some are beaten and abused. Others die of starvation and thirst. If only these dogs could speak up for their own rights.

We should love them and not just 'use' them to bring us good luck. So if you decide to own a dog this year, make sure you treat them well throughout the years to come. I am not known as a superstitious person, but for once in my life I believe that if you abandon your dog when the year has gone by, all your good luck will be gone too.

Please, think before you act.

Man's Best Friend

2006-01-28T00:09:00.000+11:00

Gone are the days when dogs are labelled as, "Man's Best Friend". Although some of us still adore them, others simply abuse them.

In China alone, dogs are tied up short by a thin wire around the neck so that they can barely move. Afterwards, they are stabbed in the groin area and blood begins to overflow. With every move, the wire cuts deeper into their throats. The lucky ones bleed to death before being skinned, but often dogs are alive and fully conscious. This method preserves the value of dog fur.

We hate to imagine how many dogs have to suffer in order to make a full length fur coat, but yet some of us and not to mention celebrities wear fur coats just to look glam. This is absolutely revolting. Even more sickening is the fact that workers in the dog fur industry show no compassion towards dogs. They are not at all affected by the sight of blood and painful sufferings of young innocent dogs. Perhaps they do not have a normal human heart.

The situation in Thailand is not far better off. Dogs are slaughtered primarily for skin trade. They are brought into the slaughterhouse from other villages and crammed into a small cage on the back of a truck. The journey can take up to three days, and the dogs are denied food and water during the trip. By the time they reach the slaughterhouse many are sick, and some are dead. But their weakened state makes the dogs easier to kill.

One dog after another are pulled from the truck with a wire noose attached to a wooden catch pole. Each one of them are clubbed several times over the head and on the nose, while they howl in terror. The victims are then thrown to the ground and dragged off by other workers to an area where their throats are slit.

The skins of brutally slaughtered dogs in Thailand are then used as chew toys for pets, handbags, shoes, bed sheets, musical instruments, small leather goods, golf gloves, medicinal products, insoles for shoes and sporting goods.

If you do buy any of these products, think for a second the poor dog you just killed.

UnBEARable Cruelty

2006-01-21T01:25:00.000+11:00

In a tiny iron cage, too small to allow him to stand up or lie down, a young Asiatic black bear is huddled in agony. His stomach is permanently oozing thick, yellow bile from an open wound.

Twice a day, a metal tube will be forcibly inserted through the wound into his gall bladder and he will be systematically 'milked' of his bile, which will be used in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), cosmetics, wine and even shampoo.

To prevent him lashing out at his torturers, he is forcibly restrained in a crude iron body harness or squeezed into a very small cage. And he's not the only one. In bear farms across China, thousands of bears are kept in such unspeakable conditions where they are condemned to between five and ten years of torment before their bile dries up and they are simply abandoned, left to die alone of starvation or disease.

Imagine yourself as a bear locked up in a cage with a permanent wound on your stomach. How would you feel? Bears are meant to be free in the wild and not subject to human desires for their bile. So unless we voice out for the bears, many of them will suffer for a long period of time before they are left to die. Do we want that to happen? How many bear lives does it take before we realize that we need to put a stop to it? I believe we can make a difference.

Would you be the voice for them?