Friday Funnies: The Mule

On Monday Fred, an old country farmer, bought a mule from Luke, another old farmer, for $100. Luke promised to deliver the mule the next day.

On Tuesday Luke drove up and said, "Sorry, Fred, but I have some bad news. The mule died."


Fred: Well, then, just give me my money back.

Luke: Can't do that. I went and spent it already.

Fred: Well, OK then. Just unload the mule.

Luke: What ya gonna do with a dead mule?

Fred: I'm going to raffle him off.

Luke: You can't raffle off a dead mule!

Fred: Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.

Several days later the two farmers meet up.

Luke: Whatever happened with that dead mule?

Fred: I raffled him off just like I said I would. Sold 500 tickets at $2 each!

Luke: Didn't anyone complain?

Fred: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.

Friday Funnies: Brain Transplant

A young pet monkey had an accident and needed a brain transplant. The veterinarian told the monkey's human family, "Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves."

"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the family.

"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the vet.

All the men in the family nodded because they thought they understood. But the mother was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male and female brains?"

"Standard pricing practice," said the vet. "The female brains have to be marked down because they’ve actually been used!".

Old Wise Rooster

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over."

The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by, one right behind the other. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM! -- he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Damn...third gay rooster I've bought this month."

Referenced from: http://www.funnyhub.com/jokes/pages/old-wise-rooster.html

Friday Funnies

If you think your job sucks...


This might make you a little more grateful....

Cruel woman kills cat, puppy and rabbit

Retrieved from:
http://www.asiafinest.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=67208&st=0"

Wanted to share with you, news of a woman from Hei Long Jiang, China, stepping on a kitten's head. Literally, blowing its brains out. And she is actually a nurse.

There are articles saying that two men who wanted to film clips of the maltreatment of animals, asked her to commit the act and that she was paid to do it. She was also asked to dress up for the filming.

Unfortunately, because of the lack of laws protecting animals in the country, nothing can be done to punish her and the two men. The woman and another man, believed to be the cameraman, are no where to be found. But, the online community who are fuming over the incident are refusing to give up and still trying to locate the duo.

She also killed a puppy and a rabbit in the same disgusting way. For all we know, she could have killed more.

Please brace yourselves for the pictures are horrible beyond definition.

Cat: http://chinese.cari.com.my/myforum/viewthread.php?tid=495237

Puppy and rabbit:
http://chinese.cari.com.my/myforum/viewthread.php?tid=495237###

No pictures attached here, too gruesome !! The first and only time I viewed it, and the imagery is still stuck in my head !

Countries like China, Malaysia and other Muslim countries still lack the appropriate laws for animal protection. With regard to this matter, I would like to appeal to Ryan and Katie, readers of this blog, passers-by, anybody, to sign a petition that would be handed over to the Prime Minister of Malaysia to ammend the laws, protecting
the animals in Malaysia.

Taken from SPCA Malaysia:

"Animal lovers all over Malaysia petition for a pro-active government stance on the prevention of cruelty to animals by passing effective and deterrant legislation:

1. Increasing the cruelty fine from RM200 (since 1953) significantly higher to around RM 10,000.00 and increase jail time.

2. A life time ban on animal ownership for those charged with cruelty to animals --- animals therefore cannot be returned to the owners.

3. To urge the public to be responsible pet owners - spay/neuter their pets, adequate food, space, exercise, love and medical attention and to be considerate neighbours."

Petition: http://www.catzmedia.com/spca/petitions/index.asp

Original contribution by cheahwey and edited by Ryan and Katie.

Another One Bites The Dust

Let me just put this straight. I am utterly bewildered by the advancement in technology and how it revolutionized the way we streamline our businesses or changed our lives completely for that matter. Thanks to big guns like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and the likes, we now live in an era where every whiff of fantasy is turned into reality.

The society is getting smarter each day and there is this sudden change of social hierarchy that never existed during our great-grandmother's time. It's like half the population in the United States of America belong to the upper class. Hats off to them, that's all I can say.

Now, pardon my inquisitiveness. I have always been like this since the very first moment I stepped out of my mother's womb. Maybe someday, I'll be the next Nobel Prize winner! Anyway, all jokes aside, I have often wondered why each time I search on Google, the results are completely different from what I had thought about the society.

Search the word "Cat", and you will find a whole plethora of information teaching you how to skin a cat. Search the word "Monkey", and the results will tell you how to eat live monkey brains. I know if I keep searching, I'm bound to be surprised by the things people do. I call that pure stupidity.

Remember what I said about the society getting smarter and all? SO NOT TRUE. It's like we had progressed too fast from barbarism to civilization, that people are slowly shying away from it. Maybe we are afraid of transitions, afterall.

Anyway, this brings me back to the ethos when paleolithics were hunters, scavengers and food gatherers. There was no monetary trade or Paris Hilton. Men hunted for all kinds of animals with clubs, spears and harpoons. And I dont blame them since they were born of the stone age. But doesnt this sound eerily familiar? Sadly, this is the world we live in today.

Death to war and barbarism!

Friday Funnies

China's exotic food industry has a new addition, a restaurant that specialises in animal extremities.

China's increased wealth has brought a growing demand for exotic delicacies. A new Beijing restaurant is serving up traditional hotpot with a difference. Customers can choose from more than 30 kinds of penis - including yak, donkey, dog, ox or even seal.

Although a meal can cost more than $500, the restaurant still boasts a loyal clientele. Eating penis is said to improve everything from male virility to skin tone.

The new delicacy joins old Chinese favourites such as frog, silkworm, scorpion, dog and snake.

My Childhood Fetish

I believe we all used to have an immense liking for a particular thing when we were young and naive. So yes, I was hopelessly attracted to teddy bears and I'm not afraid to say it. Afterall, we had so much time on our hands and wouldn't it be such a waste to not spend it wisely with princess sparkle or little mermaid?

Anyway, I must have had like 30 teddy bears ranging from all colours and sizes. You name it, I've got it. It came as a surprise that I didn't start my own teddy bear shop. But these are for keepsake and definitely priceless for what it's worth. I know I still have them hidden somewhere in my closet. Guess I just have to start digging.

And what was it they all say about Rome? Surely it wouldn't take me a day to find all my bear-ry dear friends, but with some determination and sweat...no worries!

So after all has been said and done, I believe it is no coincidence that I am attracted to all kinds of bears. Sadly though, some bears do not get the TLC that they so deserve! I mean, what is wrong with all these people, treating bears like as if they are made of wood?

In India alone, many bear cubs are forced to dance as a form of entertainment to local and overseas tourists. Every one of them undergo the painful ordeal of having its sensitive muzzle pierced so that it can be controlled.

It is held down without anaesthetic while a crude iron needle is heated using a coal fire and afterwards plunged in to its muzzle. The squealing cub is held tight by a group of men, so it can barely move. The tug of this rope, along with an intense fear of the strike of a heavy stick, motivates the bear to lift its legs and 'dance'.

I know this barbaric act is indescribable beyond words but oh Lord, please have mercy on these bears and may you pour out your wrath on these men for they have rebelled against you.

I rest my case.

Friday Funnies

A MAN caught "in flagrante delicto" with a goat has been forced to marry the animal.

According to the local newspaper, The Juba Post, the goat's owner, a Mr Alifi, caught his neighbour, Mr Tombe, assaulting his goat and reported the man to the local council of elders for adjudication.
"It was around midnight when Tombe came to do his nonsense on my goat, and I was already in bed inside my house," Mr Alifi said.

"Suddenly I heard the goat make a loud noise. Immediately I rushed outside to find Mr Tombe was naked and engaged in a relationship with my goat. " When I asked him what are you doing there, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up. They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife."

Mr Tombe agreed to pay a dowry of 150,000 Sudanese dinars ($125) for his new spouse.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi told the Post.


Identity of the victim cannot be revealed

Guilty As Charged

Now, I believe most of you would agree that plastic bag recycling is no rocket science. All we need to do is collect them and put them nicely into a recycling bin. Oh, maybe that's why God gave us hands! But why is it that according to statistics, only 5% of the population are actually doing something about it?

Here's a little secret: Did you know that it can take between 15 to 1000 years for plastic bags to break down in the environment? In the marine environment, plastic bag litter is killing at least 100,000 birds, whales, seals and turtles every year. The body of a dead animal decomposes and the plastic is released back into the environment where it can kill again. On land, plastic bag litter can block drains and trap birds. They also kill livestock. One farmer carried out an autopsy on a dead calf and found 8 plastic bags in its stomach.



Alright, I think it's fair to say that we ought to make full use of the gorgeous recycling facilities available to us at major supermarkets. If you have no idea where the nearest recycling bin is, fret not. Because these days, we could pretty much have a plethora of information at our fingertips - thanks to Google.

Now, here's a little tip to all you shoppers: Reusable shopping bags is becoming a fad. They are comfortable to carry and hold 2 to 3 times more items than a plastic bag. The best part is, they are so practical and last for years. You could take them to a beach party or even to the gym.

And to be honest, I think they're wayyy hotter than bug-eye sunnies!

Dalmation Nuts

I was having some groundnuts imported from overseas last evening, and what a strange new variety this is.

Supposedly a healthier organic version of the usual and it does look like a spotted dalmation.

And what was it they all say about pets having a close resemblance to their owners? I know this is kinda sidetrack, but I just have to say that Paris Hilton is a complete mirror image of her pet dog, chihuahua.

I have reported, now you be the judge.

Croc takes up residence in carport

Kakadu National Park rangers say they had to remove a two-metre saltwater crocodile from a carport in the centre of Jabiru, east of Darwin, on the weekend.

Ian White, who works for the Northern Land Council in Jabiru, says he was sitting at his desk at home on Sunday afternoon when he saw something moving in the garden outside his window.

Mr White says he initially thought the croc was a goanna.

"Then the sun came out and it sort of sparkled on black and gold and I thought, far out, this is a bloody croc," he said.

Mr White says he does not want to see another crocodile in his garden in a hurry.

"You know I've been here 12 years and I've never seen a croc walking around the houses. I suddenly thought, oh I don't want to think this ... I don't want to have to be careful when I'm walking around at night," he said.

Rangers captured the crocodile and secured its jaws.

It spent the night in one of the ranger's bathtubs and was released at the South Alligator boat ramp on Monday morning.

Rangers say they will continue to survey the Jabiru Town Lake.

Friday Funnies

AFTER decades of research, there seems no doubt that smoking cigarettes is bad for you.

But an Austrian dog owner says his dachshund has been flourishing on 10 a day. Wolfgang Treitler, from Graz, says his 22-year-old pooch, General Edi, has been eating 10 cigarettes a day since he was adopted.

"His old owner abandoned him so we took him in 17 years ago, and noticed straight away he was in the habit of eating cigarettes.
"He eats the tobacco and the paper, and then chews a while on the filter before spitting it out."

Harald Mayr, a local vet, said: "Nicotine normally leads to poisoning in dogs, but in this case the animal has obviously become addicted, which has increased its level of tolerance."

The Apple-s of My Eye

According to Wikipedia, the Reptilia is a class of cold-blooded air-breathing vertebrates with completely ossified skeleton and a body usually covered with scales of horny plates.

Now, I am completely obfuscated by this definition mainly because science or biology for that matter, wasnt my strongest subject in school. But I like to be challenged by things that I mostly could not understand. Afterall, God has blessed me with a considerable amount of gray matter, so I might as well make full use of it.

I thank God for a good pair of eyes too. The world is such a beautiful place and I often wonder what I would do if I could not see! Mind you, I have not been to the seven wonders of the world. But for starters, I have had the opportunity to step foot onto quite a few magnificent animal sanctuaries.

So, I am a proud supporter of Jesus Christ and these...


And no... I dont own a pair of shoes or handbag made out of reptilian skins, thank you very much.

Cupid Has Struck Me in the Head

Happy Valentines Day to God. Your love and faithfulness is beyond human comprehension.

Happy Valentines Day to all readers of our blog and loved ones. We thank you for your continuous support.

We would also like to extend our warmest thoughts to Fido, a crossbreed between an Alsation and Dobermann. We love you, gorgeous!


p/s: These are words from my heart, not my head.